well, I’m back.

…back from permanent {?} home to temporary home, with a thousand homes in-between.  Wishing that home were resting somewhere else right now, but confident of a home in the future.

{I’m feeling vague and angsty this week. Apologies.}

“Fall break,” as they call it, was more wonderful than I imagined it would be. Guitar strings, memories, card games with my parents, good coffee, live music, coziness, crunching leaves, photography, taking drives, time to eat breakfast, making up recipes for apple pie and savory pear chicken, wood-fired pottery, retracing childhood steps at the town drugstore, coming in from the cold, traipsing through the woods with a dear friend, my own piano, laughing with my brother/best friend, copper-toned sunrise moments, getting things done, getting nothing done, visiting my summer workplace {talk about surreal}, getting some teeth filled, spilling my heart to my dear mom, watching Mission Impossible at midnight, sitting on logs, the smell of woodsmoke in the yard, Toby jumping into my lap, the whistle of the teapot, the sun flooding the dining room all morning, hearing the chickens in the henhouse, trying to understand the Middle Eastern Christian perspective, the djembe, the clarity of the sky, the smell of cinnamon and nutmeg and cloves,

being loved.

And of all of those wonderful and marvelous and real things, the most beautiful and, at the same time, the most difficult, is the very last. But not, by any means, the very least.

For fear of saying all too much I’ll just say that my heart feels so full and so frail at the same time…I feel like something’s missing. But I also trust that the faithful LORD God will yet again flood my heart with His grace and peace.

..

Today, I was watching the leaves fall.  If the seasons are really a cycle, then this end is really just a part of the beginning. Today, I prayed to Him as the God who makes those things that would be, that ought to be, that wished they could be—into things that really and truly are. He is so beyond.

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